my "temporary" leave of absence

shit  i JUST WROTE A HUGE AMOUNT  and in the midst of it cousin Kerri called and bam I hit a button and it flew out the window.  That in my opinion is why paper journals are my preference but then my total fear of someone finding this and reading it and using my words against me, as has been done several times paralizes my when I try to write. 

The reasons for my leave of absence from work are many but truth be told life became more than I can handle while working a full time job.  Something had to go and it sure was not going to be my sanity.  I cannot afford to have my life crumble to pieces around me while I sit by too overwhelme to function.  Too many people depend on me.  Too much is at stake.  I could feel it coming, history repeating itself.  Because it happened before I could feel things starting to unravel.  Then the doctor prescribed two more medications.  Already I am taking 60mgs,the highest dose of prozac.  300 mgs of lamictal, 50mgs adderall and an allergy pill for my asthma and my ibhaler.  She adds clonopin AND a hormone, that is 10 pills a day.  I just wasnt willing to go there without trying to simplify my life first.
Medical marijuana was brought up

Things to remember

stooped backs evil within what i have accomplished how things are different things I felt thoughts ive had and thwe diff
realizationthe changes with in my littlebig voice minnie mouse.  the selfish martyr gnight

New Medicine

Living with PMDD has been a pain in the ass.  Every friggin month the outrageous monster comes out.  Irrational and plain psycho amongst a million of other word I could use to describe this maddening curse.

Ask my family, when "blue sweater" comes, life in our house becomes a treaturous land mine they are forced to blindly navigate.  There is no way to predict the kind of  atmoshere they will be faced with,  unless you pay close attention the the calendar and the lunar phases.  What kid do you know that does that?  Hell I have a tough time keeping track of it until I am already in the midst of its dark cloak.  By then it is swallowing my happiness, my sanity.  Every month without fail it settles in to our home for its normal 2-3 week  everything upside down and ever changing  the rules are ever changing as well as the atmospheric mood around me.

day 13

AM juice was mango, carrot Apple. Feeling queazy and depressed and a little out of sorts. Been trying to get back on track since Sat. Tomorrow AM I do my dry run. Nervous, about to do yoga hope this will calm the nerves and settle my mind and tummy. Hope today will be a good day. Saw Paul and Holly Mon. Kinda messed me up all day Tues. Have to go to bed early tonight to get up tomorrow early.

night 11

All I want to do is eat, that's all I can think about!! But I want to lose weight too, and I can't do both, I've got to get myself under control. This is a long journey with so much weight to lose. I feel like I've lost some hope, I need it back. To morrow I go to the gym, I need to do some form of exercise every day. I've got to do this, I can't stand being this fat cow anymore!! Give me strength!!

day 11

Well I'm doing fine, had beets and greens and tomatoes twice today. Now I'm drinking watermelon and pineapple. Four juices so four juices today. Feeling good, tummy a little out of sorts due to the break I took. Need some more produce.

back on track

Took a break from my fast. Now I'm back on again. Drinking my hot lemon water. Nan was off and I caved, but I'm back on track again. This isn't easy, and Fri I felt like I was going to blow up. I made it 9 whole days, so let's see how far I can go now.